


the reasons why (we look up to the sky)

by loudwheezes (arrodete)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angel Ryan Bergara, Demon Shane Madej, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, ok but its not funny at all!! You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15952895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrodete/pseuds/loudwheezes
Summary: Shane’s sitting on Ryan’s couch, a crappy horror movie playing on screen. Beside him, Ryan sits, snuggled in blankets and the feathers of his wings. He looks at his gorgeous, literal angel for a boyfriend, and grins.“Hey Ryan. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”





	the reasons why (we look up to the sky)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrDrProfessorWecht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrDrProfessorWecht/gifts).



> (title from "hey angel" by one direction)
> 
> ½ inspired by how shane looks at ryan :) im a slut for how ryan looks at shane, but when Shane Looks At Ryan,,,, and i know that shane making ryan laugh is the cutest thing ever, but hear me out: ryan making shane laugh!!! man check out these vids :) full disclosure, none of them are mine!  
> 1\. https://youtu.be/aDRQXMdD9ZA  
> 2\. https://youtu.be/FDI40KAxEiA  
> 3\. https://youtu.be/-lPL2nQ6cHo

**5.**

“I told you we shouldn’t have turned right,” Ryan groans from the passenger seat. Shane rolls his eyes at his shorter friend, before glancing at the GPS, and back to the road in front of him.

 

Contrary to popular belief, Shane did drive. He didn’t do it often - what with long legs and all - but Ryan had a headache today, and Shane knew that being in a car with Ryan behind the wheel would result in a highway accident and two dead humans. _Well, a dead human, and a badly injured demon_ , his brain helpfully reminds him. Beside him, Ryan flexes his back.

 

“You alright there, little guy?” he glances at his friend. Ryan has been shifting uncomfortably in his seat for the entire ride. His head briefly flashes back to the Renaissance, more specifically, 1478, when the Judas Chair was introduced as a form of torture for the Spanish Inquisition. The way Ryan squirmed reminded him a little of the victims of torture device. He shakes his head at the thought, remembering the sight of blood and torture, and decides that no, he should never think of Ryan being tortured again. _Ryan Bergara, making a demon from hell shudder at the thought of torture. Who would’ve thought?_

 

He keeps driving to the hotel.

 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” The car stops at a light. Ryan rolls his shoulders back, and for the nth time that night, Shane maybe wants to kiss him.

 

“Go try to get some rest, Ry,” he says, soft around the edges, and he kind of hates himself a little. Beside him, Ryan finally stops shifting in his seat, before resting his head on the cushion. Shane feels his pulse return to normal.

 

Okay, here’s the tea.

 

Shane kind of likes Ryan. Okay, that’s an understatement.

 

Shane is kind of in love with Ryan. Normally, such a situation wouldn’t be much of a problem. Someone who is in love with his friend. Someone who is in love with his coworker. Who hasn’t heard of a situation? The thing is, though, Shane isn’t just someone. Shane Madej is a demon, a creature from hell, a tormentor of souls, the very definition of evil - and Ryan Bergara, on the other hand, was good and selfless and insanely attractive. If Shane didn’t know better, he would’ve thought that Ryan was an angel.

 

Not that Shane’s met any angels yet. 

 

Maybe they’re awkward now, ever since The Confrontation, from a week ago, but the show must go on. They film for another season of Unsolved.

 

He turns his attention back to the road in front of them, and tries to forget the beating of his heart.

 

He tries to ignore the fact that demons didn’t have hearts.

 

**3.**

They’re at a party.

 

It’s hot, and Shane wants to leave. It was Unsolved’s annual party, the one they had after every season finale launched. Coworkers congratulated he and Ryan for another successful season of the show. Beside him, Ryan is laughing at something Sara said, and he looks like the damn sun and Shane wants to turn away.

 

Sara leaves, and Ryan turns to him. He looks worried, and suddenly Shane remembers his nature, of his horns and his black eyes and-

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a massive head?” Ryan’s eyes are big and warm, and at that moment, Shane thinks he could be an angel. Shane laughs, because Ryan is both ridiculous and gorgeous, and because suddenly, the party doesn’t suck anymore.

 

“You have, multiple times.”

 

Ryan grins, and shit, Shane knows he’s _drunk_. “Just me?”

 

“Yes, Ryan,” he replies, mirroring Ryan’s smile. “Most of the people I know are polite. Nobody just blurts out their opinions on another person's head size.”

 

“Except me.” Ryan’s smile is soft. “If Bigfoot is called Bigfoot because of his foot size, shouldn’t you be called _Bighead_?”

 

“Take that back, asshole,” he says, with none of the bite.

 

“Bighead.”

 

“Don’t call me Bighead when yo-“

 

“Bighead!”

 

“Ryan, you literally have th-“

 

“Hey Bighead, wanna dance?” Ryan asks. The words stop Shane’s retort. He blinks, processing the words in his head. “What?” he asks, not believing anything that just came out his best friend’s mouth. Ryan grabs his arm, and pulls him off the stool he sat on. A slow song came from the speakers, and Shane follows Ryan to the doors leading to the balcony.

 

“Remember the Dauphine Orleans Hotel?” Ryan asks, and it’s soft, like he's been the entire night, once they reached the privacy of the balcony. The cold air was a stark contrast to the heat of the party inside. “We didn’t finish the dance.”

 

Shane remembers, of course he does. He and Ryan had danced the waltz to encourage a ghost to show appear. Shane had been afraid he’d end up holding Ryan instead, so he held onto the bullshit ghost-hunting equipment they had. “Yeah.”

 

Ryan places his hands on Shane’s shoulders, and on instinct, his hands fall to Ryan’s waist. Suddenly, they’re dancing, smooth and slow, and off-beat. They can’t really hear the music from here, and Shane’s supernatural abilities pick up the beat just enough to know that they didn’t dance to the tempo and rhythm of the song. He didn’t care though, because he was dancing with Ryan Bergara. Ryan took the lead, and they took small, slow steps.

 

“Shane?” Ryan mutters, looking up at him with those pretty, brown eyes. “I’m glad you’re here.”

 

He doesn’t miss a beat. “No need to get sappy on me, Bergara.”

 

Ryan laughs, and Shane feels warm. “No, I’m serious. Thanks for agreeing to do Unsolved with me, even if in the years you’ve known me, you thought my ideas were shit.”

 

Shane blinks. “What?”

 

“Yeah, ghosts and shit.”

 

“No, no, Ry,” he says, a little breathless. “I don’t think anything that goes through your mind is shit.”

 

A beat. A small voice. “Really?”

 

He smiles. “Yeah.”

 

“I hope," Ryan says. "I hope we keep doing Unsolved.”

 

“Don’t worry, Ry. I’m not backing out on the show. I’ll do this with you until you’re sick of me, little guy.” 

 

They’re quiet for a while, dancing slowly, until he feels Ryan dance come to a halt. He’s about to make a remark about sleep and tiredness and stress, when he feels Ryan begin to rise, getting onto his toes. Shane shuts his eyes, and leans forward.

 

Suddenly, his mouth is on Shane’s. He’s kissing Shane, and Shane could melt into his shoes. The world seems to stop spinning for a moment, and he’s flying. He grips Ryan’s waist tighter, and Ryan’s hands move from his shoulders to his hair. His mind briefly flashes to his horns, but remembers that they’re concealed, and Ryan bites his lower lip and it’s a bit much for their first kiss, but for the first time, he feels _human_. He bends lower for easier access Ryan’s mouth, and Ryan tiptoes to kiss him harder. He lets Ryan kiss him and kiss him and kiss him, and he kisses back.

 

They kiss until their mouths are sore and they’re out of breath. They kiss until they can no longer work past their height difference. They kiss until they’re tired, and a new playlist of new songs are blaring inside, with a new beat.

 

For the first time since being on earth, Shane’s heart beats,

 

**2.**

It goes like this.

 

Ryan and Shane share a desk, and they join the Test Friends together. They share their personal space and they start to share lunch too, sometimes. They start going out together for lunch.

 

It goes like this: they find out that they have the same brand of humor. They find out that enjoy the same books and movies. They start going to each other’s homes, and watch movies that make them laugh their hearts out, or movies that fascinate them and make them think for solutions, or movies that make their eyes go wide with suspense or surprise them with jump scares, or movies that maybe make them shed tears. 

 

And it goes like this. They begin to watch multiple movies a night, and they end early in the morning, even if they have work in a few hours. They stop leaving to go home, and start staying the night. There’s a spare toothbrush on their sinks, though they have no romantic partners. They start leaving clothes behind, and they end up using each other’s spare drawers. 

 

It goes like this. They stop telling stories of activities they like to do, and start doing them together. Ryan starts planning and taking Shane out to theme parks and road trips. Shane takes Ryan out on midnight grocery runs when they run out of popcorn, to libraries and coffee shops in different parts of the city, to bars where live bands play. They become best friends, and they have more inside jokes with each other than any of their other coworkers. They’re closer than the Try Guys, than the You Do You cast, than the Worth It trio, than the Ladylike girls, than Zack and Justin. Friendship built on trust and memories and good times.

 

Sure, Shane finds it harder to hide his horns and his flames for eyes from the person he’s grown closest to. Shane is ancient, he’s been on earth for centuries, taking stillborn babies as his vessels and growing up with human families, but he’s never truly felt human before, except when he took up his current form, as Shane. Being Shane, however, has made him feel closer to being human than ever before. It’s hard to hide his true form sometimes, but he gets used to working harder to conceal it. He can never let anyone know - not Ryan, or his brother, or his parents.

 

It goes like this: he begins to feel. He loves his family, and his friends, and maybe begins to love more than he should. 

 

They had lunch together, as they do, when Ryan asked him the question.

 

“Hey Shane,” Ryan had said, unsure, fidgeting with his hands. “You know Unsolved, right?”

 

He had looked at Ryan, worried. His friend had looked so stressed, and he didn’t know what to do. “Yeah, what’s up?”

 

“Brent’s leaving, they’re cancelling it.”

 

“Oh shit, Ry.” 

 

Ryan had buried his face in his hands. “Shane, I don’t know what to fucking do. They won’t let me go on without a co-host.”

 

And then, without hesitation: “I’ll be you co-host.”

 

Ryan had looked at him, a million expressions at once - elation, worry, confusion, insecurity, joy. He had looked at Shane with the brightest eyes, and Shane never regretted his decision once.

 

It goes like this.

 

They’re closer than before, as if that’s possible. They’re a package deal, and Unsolved gains a fanbase, and they release merch. The Hotdaga is born, and they are dubbed the _ghoul boys_. They couldn’t be happier, and Shane calls Ryan his ghoulfriend. They start going out of the state for episodes, and even start going on out-of-state vacations. They’re close, and they spend more time together than apart. Their fans notice, of course, and they start being shipped together. Shane finds out that he doesn’t mind. They’re a duo now, always together, though sometimes with the addition of TJ, or Devon, or other coworkers. Andrew Ilnyckyj says that he feels like a third wheel around them, but they don’t hear. They’re too busy trying to fit more popcorn in their mouths than the other.

 

Ryan stays at Shane’s place a lot, now. He tires himself out, editing and cutting the raw footage of Unsolved before sending it out to the team, or typing up scripts and researching, or watching the episodes after they’ve launched. Beside him, Shane often has the document of the Hotdaga opened up. Ryan tires himself until Shane has to take the laptop away, and tuck Ryan to sleep. Neither of them talk about it in the morning.

 

It’s weird, what they’ve become, but it’s comfortable.

 

**4.**

It was a Thursday when things went to shit.

 

Maybe asking the Try Guys out for help wasn’t the best idea, but Shane was sad and stupid and hungover. After gaining almost zero advice from them, he was back to being sad and stupid, though his hangover was put at bay.

 

He groans, before turning back to his screen. Beside him, his deskmate’s - or lack of - chair was sat on by no other than Eugene Lee Yang.

 

“Hey, Madej,” Eugene says, cool and chill, like he always was. “Sorry for the other guys earlier.”

 

He shrugs, not looking at the man beside him. “It’s okay, it’s whatever.”

 

“So, Bergara, huh?” Eugene drawls on. Shane’s eyes snap towards him. 

 

“What?”

 

“When we were talking earlier, with the other guys. You said you had a problem, but Zach and Keith weren’t paying attention, so you didn’t keep talking.”

 

“Wait, so how’d you know about Ryan and I?” he asks, genuinely confused. Eugene rolls his eyes, and Shane feels like an oblivious kid.

 

“He’s been hiding in a conference room all day, and you’ve been sulking at his seat since you got here. Also, I saw you two making out two days ago, at Jazzmyne’s party.”

 

“What? Wai- huh, wait, what were you doing in the basement?”

 

“I wasn’t in the basement the whole time! I was going down to get some more drinks from the spare fridge down there!”

 

“And we didn’t see you?!”

 

“Well, you were both pretty into it.” Shane felt his cheeks warm up, and Eugene cracks a smile. “That’s not the point. I see you guys making out at parties all the time! Even in my Christmas party last year!”

 

“Wait, what?” Shane feels his face go red.

 

“Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else notices you two sneak off at parties,” he says. “I thought you two were dating in secret or something. You are, right? That’s why you guys are fighting. What’s wrong?”

 

He finally looks at Eugene, straight in the eye. “We’re not dating. That’s what’s wrong.”

 

Eugene pauses, and they both look at each other. Suddenly, realization dawns on Eugene’s face. “Oh shit,” he says. “Shit, Shane.”

 

Shane turns back to his screen, hands at his keyboard, but not really typing. “Yeah, shit.” His voice is sarcastic, dripping with venom. He wants to tap out, wants to leave the office, wants to never see Ryan’s stupid, gorgeous face again.

 

“Do you love him?” Eugene’s voice is soft, and gentle. Shane looks down at his hands, and they’re shaking. That’s new. “I think,” Eugene continues. “You need to talk to him. Tell him about that.”

 

Eugene gets up and leaves Shane, and suddenly, he’s alone.

 

_

 

He bit his lip, gripping his mug. He quickly opened the cupboard over the counter, and pretended to look for something inside - everyone knew, though, that the Buzzfeed kitchen had absolutely nothing in its cupboards. Food content of any nutritional value had been raided by the Tasty crew long ago, in some viral video they made, and the kitchen has yet to be restocked.

 

So maybe pretending to be busy looking through the cupboards weren't the best option when trying to ignore someone, but Shane was tired, okay? And sad. And stupid.

 

Which is why:

“You can stop that now, Madej. Just talk to me.” Ryan’s voice is tired and hoarse, and Shane’s mind (unhelpfully) supplies him with images of being pressed up against the dark, basement wall from two nights ago. He doesn’t want to look at Ryan.

 

“Care to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me, Madej?” The words hit him, and he slams the cupboard door shut. Ryan, being himself, presses on. “You haven’t replied to any of my texts, and I even tried to call you on Facetime! What the fuck, Shane? What happened? And yesterday, you didn't even eat lunch with me! You stared at you computer all day, and left without saying a word, and I'm supposed to be your best frie-!”

 

He turns around, facing the shorter man. “I’m the one ignoring you? Please, explain, tell me Ryan, how I’m the one avoiding you. Because the last time I checked, I wasn’t the one who hid in a conference room all day, just to avoid his best friend.”

 

“Oh come! Who would want to sit next to you? You ignored me all fucking day yesterday, and you _obviously_ don’t want to talk to me, so why-”

 

“Oh, yeah, sure! Blame it on me!”

 

“We were having a good time! Jazzmyne’s party was great! Then you had to go and fucking blow it-”

 

“Oh, so I blew it?!” They’re screaming at each other now, and Shane wants to leave. To switch vessels. “ _I_ blew it?! Come on, Ryan! Don’t be stupid! What did I do to-”

 

“Yeah, Shane, you fucking blew it. You had to ruin this stupid, unspoken shit between-”

 

“-because if I remember, it’s not my fault that-”

 

“Oh, shut up, Shane!” Ryan yells, and Shane stops. The phrase, said a thousand times before, felt foreign and harsh and Shane wanted to walk away from Ryan Bergara and his brilliant mind and even brighter smile. “Shut up- just... shut up.”

 

He pauses, biting the side of his cheek. “No, Ryan. You shut up, and just- fucking listen. I’m sick of this. I’m tired and I’m sick and I want out.”

 

Ryan looks at him, confused and a little worried, and Shane wants to hop on a car on a country road to West Virginia. They look at each other, and Shane desperately wants to be normal again, or to never have been human in the first place.

 

After a while, Ryan finally speaks up.

“You want out?” It’s small, and quiet.

 

“Yeah, Ry. I want out,” he says, soft. A stark contrast from their screaming earlier. “I’m out. I’m tired. It’s been more year since you first kissed me, Ry, and I thought maybe it wasn’t a one time thing, or you’d at least acknowledge it. I’m sick of this.”

 

Ryan’s still looking at him, and Shane has to turn away.

 

“You don’t, though. Acknowledge it. You never do, and sometimes I think that maybe it’s because you were drunk or something, but- shit. Shit, Ry,” he leans on the counter, looking up, and maybe he’s tearing up. He’s more human than he should be. “Ryan, you didn’t even have a drop of alcohol, but you acted like- Shit. Is this a joke? Am I a joke?”

 

He’s not looking at Ryan, but man sounds wounded. “No, Shane. Shit, no, big guy. No.”

 

He finally meets Ryan’s eyes. “They why? Why do you do it? You think it doesn’t matter to me? Ryan, I- I don’t even know. I just, I want to kiss you, okay? Even when we’re not drunk, or- I don’t want to fool around with you. We kiss at every fucking party we’re in, and I just- I want transparency, okay? I want to know how you feel, because I’m willing to work something out.”

 

“Shane, I-”

 

“I like you, Bergara. There. I fucking said it.” Ryan looks at him, and he can’t tell what he’s thinking. Suddenly, Ryan’s tearing and Shane is panicking, and-

 

“Fuck, Shane.” Ryan furiously wipes his tears away. “I don’t know. I-I can’t, and this fucking sucks, but I just can’t and- I’m sorry, Shane. I’m so sorry, I’m such a mess, and-” He’s shaking, and shit, Shane doesn’t know what to do.

 

So he wraps Ryan up in a hug, he hugs him tight, and maybe they both cry, and maybe Shane’s heart breaks. After all, he shouldn’t have had a heart in the first place.

 

“I’m sorry, Shane, I’m sorry. I really am, I’m sorry, I-

 

He hugs Ryan, and he doesn’t really want to let go. “Hey, hey, Ry. Shh, it’s okay. Shit, it’s fine Ry, it’s really fine.” He forces himself to laugh, and it sounds breathy. “Just, don’t go breaking my heart, okay?”

 

Ryan laughs a little, and Shane smiles. Maybe they’ll be fine.

 

(When he leaves the kitchen, his coworkers are all seated on their desks, looking like they haven’t been listening. Shane appreciates it.)

 

**1.**

When Shane meets Ryan Bergara, he’s intrigued.

 

Ned introduces them, and Ryan can’t stop looking at him.

 

“So,” he says. “what did you eat as a kid?”

 

Shane looks at him. “What?”

 

Ryan looks absolutely mortified. “Shit, I said that out loud. I’m sorry, just thought you looked really tall, okay?”

 

They hit it off really quickly.

 

**6.**

 

He opens the door to their hotel room, just a crack. He didn’t want to wake Ryan up, not really. Not after the whole fiasco in the Buzzfeed kitchen.

 

They share a hotel room, and he kind of hates it. They booked it earlier, though, before The Confrontation, and even Jazzmyne’s party. Back when they were still comfortable.

 

Ryan wasn’t in his bed, probably in the restroom. He set the bag of groceries down, before heading to the restroom.

 

Once he reached the door, though, he knew something was wrong.

 

The door was slightly ajar. The tap was on, and the tub was about to overflow. Beside it, sat a shirtless Ryan Bergara, groaning in pain, the sounds of running water disguising his pained voice. From his shoulders sprouted wings, bleeding. Immediately, Shane entered the room.

 

“What the fuck, Ryan?” he says, kneeling next to his friend. “Hey, you okay?”

 

“Shit,” Ryan swears, inhaling. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine.”

 

“I fucking knew it, Bergara. I knew it!”

 

“Listen, Shane, I didn’t want you to find out like this, and- wait, what?”

 

“You’re an angel! You absolute asshole, you never told me!”

 

“What?” he grimaces, and Shane immediately places his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “Wait, you thought I was an- Shit, Shane, it hurts. I’m sorry, I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

 

“Shut up, Ryan,” Shane mutters, focusing his energy to his palms, on Ryan’s bleeding shoulders.

 

“No, you shut up! I know you want an explanation and stuff, and- okay, so, usually they’re not as stubborn as they are now. They don’t want to fold up, though, and that’s why I couldn’t drive and- I’m sorry, Shane.

“It's’ not just for not telling you that I’m an angel, and stuff. It’s also what happened last week. I- I don’t know, I was scared, okay. I was terrified. I’m a fucking angel! And I’m stupidly in love with you, and I didn’t know what to do, and I love kissing you, and sleeping next to you. I love slow dancing with you and driving knowing that you're sleeping in the passenger seat, and I love you but you’re a human, so-”

 

“Does it still hurt?” Shane cuts him off, taking his hands off of his shoulders. Ryan blinks in surprise, and rolls his shoulders. He shakes his head, before his eyes widen in surprise. His wings fold behind him.

 

“Demon, by the way,” Shane says, smirking.

 

“What?”

 

“I thought we were each confessing something. I’m a demon, Ryan.” He realises what he just said, and bites his bottom lip. He turns off the tap of the bath, and suddenly, the room seems too quiet. He avoids Ryan's eyes as he stands, grabbing towel from the rack and placing it under the sink's faucet. He hands Ryan the damp towel, who gratefully takes it and begins wiping the blood off.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ryan asks, and Shane can’t help but stare at his wings. “All this time?

 

“Yeah.” He’s quiet now.

 

Ryan groans, shutting his eyes. He takes some water from the tub and rubs it on his face. “Anything else you want to say?”

 

“I’m stupidly in love with you, too,” he says, soft, and sincere. He takes Ryan’s hands from his face, and holds them. “That’s one more thing about me.”

 

Ryan rolls his eyes, and for a moment, Shane thinks he fucked up. Then Ryan grabs his arms, and pulls him in for a kiss.

 

Shane’s heart beats harder than before, and maybe being human wouldn’t be so bad.

 

**+1**

Shane’s sitting on Ryan’s couch, a crappy horror movie playing on screen. Beside him, Ryan sits, snuggled in blankets and the feathers of his wings. He looks at his gorgeous, literal angel for a boyfriend, and grins.

 

“Hey Ryan. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

 

He gets hit by a pillow. “Shut up, Shane.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this! this is my first work, and i’ve got a long way to improve, so please leave feedback, let me know what you think :)
> 
> if you want to yell with me on tumblr, hit me up (bc im lonely in this fandom)! url is loud-wheezes :)


End file.
